Reframing the Past

I decided, last week, that it’s time; time to brave the past so as to be able to move into the future.

I’m talking about our planned move (in the spring of 2007) and the need to deal with the stuff that’s accumulated here in the past 30 years, along with my parents’ belongings. The act of moving is not just physical, of course, and it’s been the emotional “re-visiting” that I haven’t been ready to deal with until now.

So I decided to start small, with just one photo album. I figured OK, if I could handle one little bite of The Gigantic Job, then maybe I’d be prepared to start on The Whole Thing. (Obviously, the first thing I had to do was to stop making this process seem So Overwhelming.)

One album is small, but this was the first time I’d ventured onto Memory Lane since both of my parents passed away and it was strange and sad. But also eye-opening. The pictures looked different; it was as if I was viewing them from an unfamiliar perspective. I suddenly had the thought -- “I’m” the grown-up now. I’m the one in charge of the memories, the family legacy; the one to make the decisions about how things will be passed on, and why.

It was a quiet revelation, but it created a noticeable shift in my attitude. I felt more willing to tackle The Project.

My first step was to get the photographs out of their glue-bound plastic pages and into a better storage system. I decided on fabric-covered archival boxes, and am devoting a few hours each day to transferring the collection. By placing the photos loosely in a properly labeled box, I figure that it will be easier to select among them at a later date for possible framing or collage projects.

It’s so easy to postpone big jobs when we don’t know where to start. Or when we don’t acknowledge the emotional component of a task. In my attic and in my basement are not only items from my parents’ house, but also pieces of my first marriage. Going through those things requires time, physical effort, mental energy and recognition of the emotions involved. But by preparing for that, I can stay ahead in terms of my planning.

For example, I won’t attempt to make decisions about memorabilia on days when I’m feeling sad. Nor will I try to move heavy objects when I don’t have the energy. But there are other activities I can substitute in order to keep the wheels of progress moving in the right direction.

Such as eliminating duplicates. Have you ever noticed how certain categories of things seem to multiply without you noticing? I’ve worked with clients who discover that they have at least 4 of the same can openers and as many as 8 boxes of untouched giant paper clips. I seem to have a large number of identical glass vases. Apparently, I’ve saved every vase in which I received flowers, but wasn’t aware of that fact until I had gathered them all in one place.

Another fun activity is to see how many CDs and DVDs are actually in their correct cases. Or what your son left under his bed when he went to college! I’m going for laughs here, because using humor is essential when approaching large-scale reorganization or down-sizing. There are just too many sentimental or impassioned minefields otherwise.

It would be challenging enough if we were only talking about the “organizing” aspect of dealing with years of accumulation. But we’re also coping with all that emotional baggage as well. What could be helpful, I think, would be specific driving directions for negotiating Memory Lane – ways of sorting through the past that enable us to salvage what we want and move on in a healthy, positive way.

I believe we should try to reframe our past with the most life-affirming choices possible. When deciding what to hang onto and what to part with, keep only evidence of the memories that what make you feel good. What do you cherish? What remembrances are joyful? What brings to mind your strength, capabilities, powers or accomplishments? What reminds you of the best things in life?

Some people don’t like to be tied down with anything; to others, their stuff is the thread that connects everything with everything else. The fundamental questions that need to be answered are: What is the lifespan of a particular “touchstone”, and do you have the space to store it?

These possessions can be part of the legacy you hand down. Your legacy is a reflection of your principles and values, and therefore, what you take with you tells the story of what has had meaning in your life. And because it is *your* life, you get to select.

Choose wisely, pack carefully and move into your next chapter with a spirit of adventure!

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“Time past and time future
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present”.

-- T.S. Eliot