photo credit random_j

This Saturday’s the shower, so the wedding can’t be far behind, right? 22 days, to be exact. Wow.

Up until today, my thoughts have been mostly about planning the event but I have to say that now I’m starting to have the “visions”…The ones where Lauren is saying her vows as a 2 year old. Honestly, where has the time gone? How can she possibly be getting married?

Except for the vintage polaroids, the pictures of her as a baby don’t seem like they were taken that long ago. Certainly my memories of many of them are as vivid as if they were shot yesterday…Especially one set from her uncle’s wedding when she was 3 and 1/2. There she is - so tiny, dancing with her dad, extremely pleased to be in a “grown-up dress”…And now she’s going to be dancing with him again, wearing another kind of grown-up dress…

She tells me that she and Eric have chosen “Sunrise, Sunset” for their dance with the parents. I hope my mascara survives…

“Sunrise Sunset”

Fiddler on the Roof Soundtrack

Is this the little girl I carried?

Is this the little boy at play?

I don't remember growing older

When did they?

When did she get to be a beauty?

When did he get to be so tall?

Wasn't it yesterday

When they were small?

Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze…

photo credit amalia chimera

“Nostalgia, the researchers say, may provide an important link between our past and our present selves, providing us with a positive view of the past, which in turn can help us find a greater sense of continuity and meaning. As we age, it may acquire an even greater role in our lives, as it may help us to overcome feelings of loneliness and to cope with social isolation. Found in all cultures and among all age groups, nostalgia, the study notes, offers not only insights in psychology, emotion, the self and our relationships, but it is also emerging as a fundamental human strength. (Association for Psychological Science, December 2008)”

Monika Rice

Sometimes It’s Healthier to be in the Then

Spirituality & Health (Sept/Oct issue)

It was a whirlwind trip but a wonderful one. Saturday night was a reunion of my old neighborhood in Baltimore, Md. with friends and parents I haven’t seen in more than 25 years. We relived old adventures and found out that some stories were remembered differently by all of us. It was non-stop laughter, good food and good times.

And then we were off to Cambridge, Md. to visit my son in his new grad school digs. It was also a reunion of sorts since we haven’t seen him in months. He showed us around the historical town of Cambridge and took us to the lab where he’s been doing oyster research this summer. We drove back to Brevard today and made it in 11 hours. Whew. 

photo credit Andrew Burrows

Summer was  always my favorite time of the year for treasure hunting with the kids. And what kind of treasure were we after (?) you might ask. Answer: The treasures to be found inside our own house.

My readers know that I’m a big advocate of updating your life regularly so you stay current with yourself. One way of doing this is to explore your home to see what items no longer resonate with you, which is basically a clearing-out activity. Another way is to unearth items that you haven’t thought about in ages and experience the forgotten pleasures of reconnecting with something that still gives you joy.

I love doing this with children because their expressions of delight are so genuine. Watch their faces when they come across a forgotten book or toy that they loved and still love. My daughter, Lauren, was once going through an under-the-bed drawer and opened a box full of memorabilia from her grandfather who had passed away a few years before. I will always cherish the memory of the way she gently picked out his pocket watch and pressed it against her cheek.

Many of the wonderful things that we find have to do with special relationships with family, friends or pets. In my Organizing for the Spirit workshops, I used to have people bring in their treasures and was amazed at the variety which ranged from a collection of valor medals from World War II to a tiny china cup and saucer, to a picture of a very happy puppy. There was an audiotape of a band and chorus belting out, “When the Saints Come Marching In”, a wooden fish, an artificial orchid and a beach plum from Cape Cod.

In doing our family treasure hunting, I was also teaching the kids the value of revisiting their stuff regularly to assess how they’d grown and changed and how to understand how their stuff related to them today. This turned out to be an invaluable exercise in helping them prepare for the many moves they’ve undertaken since they left for college.

So start when they’re young, do it regularly, and make sure that you, too, make time for treasure hunting. You’ll better appreciate the value and meaning of possessions that represent the best that life has to offer.

photo credit mathiasdradams

It’s been a bit of a strange week. I was feeling under the weather for most of it but am finally up and about again. Tonight we went out to dinner at Sedona’s oldest continually-operating restaurant (from the early 1900’s), and were entertained by a marvelous Beatles cover band. During a break I was chatting with one of the female backup singers and shared that my only regret in life is never having performed onstage with a band. Unfortunately, I confided, I don’t have any talent that qualifies me to get up there, but I loved her response. She told me that she became part of the band after she retired from her first career and that it’s never too late to experience your heart’s desire. “Buy a kazoo,” she said, “and join a rock band. Go for the dream.”

You know, that idea isn’t so far-fetched. My future son-in-law is a musician. Maybe if I got a kazoo…

This weekend was what you might call a blast from the past. Saturday night we went to a concert by The Heavenly J’s, a cover band featuring departed rockers from the 60’s and 70’s whose names all began with “J”. The musicians were superb and nailed their characters. Today we took a Harley ride to Williams, AZ, the former last outpost on fabled Route 66. It was truly kitschy but fun.

photo credit smcgee

“Scenes of my young years were warm in my mind,
Visions of shadows that shine.
Til one day i returned and found they were the
Victims of the vines of changes.”     — Phil Ochs, Changes

I’ve always loved this song, but today I found myself becoming the lyrics. I don’t know why these realizations come when they do but today was my day. I “got it” that my son and daughter have grown up. Not that I didn’t see it coming, of course. But there’s something about a college graduation paired with an upcoming wedding that makes the change unmistakable.

It’s not their growing up that gets me; they’ve been doing that for awhile. It’s the fact that I have to  keep letting go. I don’t think I’ve understood until now just how much loving means letting go.

My son told me this morning that his graduate degree advisor will be sponsoring him to get his master diver certification. (AJ is now involved in a project combining marine biology with environmental habitat evaluation.) What this means, to me, is that AJ is no longer 18 months old – the year he first stood in front of the TV set, mesmerized by an Animal Planet ocean special. He has never wavered in his love of the deep or choice of study. But now I’m not the one signing him up for diving lessons. I’m not the one putting him on the camp bus or watching him use his first surf board. I’m not needed the way I once was.

My job description is changing. I’ll always be his mother and Lauren’s mother. But as I watch him “swim on” in his life, and realize that Lauren, herself, may be a  mother in a few years, I sit and wonder where that part of my life went. There was a time when Mother was the biggest and most important thing I did. No longer.

It doesn’t actually change anything. I’m busy with the activities and pursuits that have meaning to me and that give me pleasure. But there’s been a shift — a stage-of-life shift and I’m slowly absorbing its significance. I wish my parents were around to talk to about it but that’s part of this shift, too. I’m the one at the top of the hill now, so I might as well enjoy the view and the ride. It really is an amazing trip.

It’s time for my 40th, and the planners had 365 days to choose from when selecting a date. So which one did they end up with?….Yup, the same day as my daughter’s wedding. I already missed the 25th because I was giving a  workshop at Hopkins. This seems so unfair because everyone knows that I’m the most nostalgic student to ever attend WHS. Oh well.

I do want to give a call out to several alumni whom I’ve lost touch with over the years: If Joie Potter, Judy Wheeler or Terri Fisher are out there somewhere, please contact me via sunny at suncoach dot com. I miss you!

A blast from the past. (Please excuse the flash; I was pretending that I had an old-style Instamatic camera.)

In Stacy’s Library of Memories class, we’re exploring how to use memorabilia in lay-outs, and I was delighted to be able to pull out this collection from the 60’s. Among the items are an article and pic from Life magazine, a clipping of a local movie theatre showing of “Thunderball”, and a bubble gum card picturing the character Pussy Galore flipping Sean Connery. Now where could you find that today?

photo credit cdedbdme

Roy was reading a new book by Greg Braden, Fractal Time, and shared this with me. I love it: “As we sifted through the boxes and bags that held the accumulated history of our entire family, we found ourselves engrossed in the memories and the meaning that the contents brought to mind. Every few minutes I would hear Mom’s excited voice coming from somewhere behind a stack of boxes taller than she was, asking me to look at the treasures she had rediscovered. “Oh look at this,” she would say, holding up something that my brother or I had made for her more than 30 years before. Like the Valentine’s Day card that still had two Tootsie Roll chocolates (now nearly fossilized) taped inside. My brother had made the card and given it to her when he was in the second grade…”

This is from a book about nature’s patterns (mostly scientific) but points to the cycle of human life and the pleasure that is there for the taking. Enjoy those moments when they come around.