photo credit Love the 214

Be who you are.

Not all approaches and products work for all people. Some of  us are horses and some are zebras. Or donkeys. What’s important in organizing is to know who you are and what works for you – what you prefer to have around you and what kind of set-up suits you best.

Some people like to be surrounded by the things they love, while that would make others claustrophobic. Some people like to move around while they work  while others find that distracting. And some folks like to focus on the big picture while others prefer to be buried in the details. There’s no right or wrong; it’s just what works best for you.

Therefore you need to be aware of your personal style and which kinds of systems support you in how you like to work. (Just because your neighbor swears by his iPhone doesn’t mean that getting one would be the answer to your organizational prayers.) First – kick up your awareness level a few notches and observe yourself and how you like to operate.

Then, and only then, see what’s out there and how those tools would assist you in doing what you do. This approach will help prevent you from going to the store and buying an attractive item with the hope that if you leave it on your desk long enough, it will organize you. 

photo credit Maggi Helga

There’s a part of you that always knew. People may have believed that you were a blank slate, innocent in the ways of the world and uneducated about yourself, but still — you knew. You always knew, even when you began to question if your perceptions were real, along with your tastes and preferences. You knew, deep down, who you were, even when you started to compare yourself to others and judge what was right and wrong and what was OK or unacceptable. You began to listen to the people around you and to doubt. But you knew. You always knew what made you strong and happy within yourself.

And you still know. Somewhere, inside of you, is the original blueprint — what you know you need in order to feel authentic. Find it again. Retrieve the essence of the soul that came into being with your birth and nurture it. Ask the questions that bring you back to you.

Most of us spend our lifetime unaware of who we really are and thus never get to enjoy that person. You can remember what you already know, and go there.

It’s never too late.

But…I was still hobbled by fear. It’s one thing to know where you want to go, and it’s another to have the courage to actually get up and go there. One day, I told her I felt like a skydiver clinging to the door of an airplane, wanting to jump but too afraid to jump.

And she said to me, in that calm voice, “Just leap. You’ll fly or at least land on your feet.” And I decided that even if I didn’t quite believe in myself just yet, I was able to believe Sunny. So I leapt. And I flew, and flew and flew. And never looked back. I think angels come to us when we need them. I needed an angel back then, and I found one. Her name is Sunny.”

– Debra LoGuercio DeAngelo

“If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”     ~Toni Morrison

– Gilbert Keith Chesterton

I accused him of murdering the chair.

Menopause can take you to some strange places.

I was telling this story to a friend, recounting the day I found my
daughter’s balloon chair collapsed and flattened on the floor. I had just seen
the chair, puffed up and happy, a moment before my husband had entered her room
to drop something off.

I confronted him with the evidence and he looked at me strangely: “I didn’t
touch the chair.”

“You must have. You must have stabbed it with something accidentally.”

“I wasn’t near the chair.”

“You had to have done something. It was fine a minute before.”

“Sunny, honestly, I didn’t do anything to the chair.”

“You’re lying! You murdered the chair! You don’t love Lauren!”

Oh, if this had been the only time I reacted with such sudden, overblown,
out-of-body rage. But no, it happened again a month later. This time I was
entering Wal-Mart. I grabbed a cart and started pushing it down the center
aisle. As I neared the pleasantly nodding greeter, I was consumed by an urge to
run her over.

I managed to restrain myself, but this was my blinking neon message that
something was WRONG with me.

My journey from peri-menopause into menopause lasted over 10 years. I would
have appreciated a road map before I started out so that I could have navigated
a little more successfully. At least the emotional part. For while I was able to
deal pretty well with the tiredness, hot flashes, night sweats and insomnia, I
simply wasn’t prepared for my descent into periods of inexplicable lunacy.

I think my first clue about what was happening to me came when I started to
recognize the look on my husband’s face — his sudden expression of wide-eyed
horror — as he watched my body being snatched from my control. I, the epitome of
sensitive, reasonable, compassionate response, would begin to snarl. I could
feel it happening but I was powerless to do anything about it.

On one level, it actually felt good; I was experiencing the glorious freedom
of no-holds-barred honesty. But then there was the matter, at the same time, of
standing to the side and watching myself screech. That felt awful.

What was happening to me? Why couldn’t I moderate my reactions? I wanted my
life back.

Hormone replacement therapy has been a controversial topic for years. It is
not my intent to discuss the variables here, but just to make clear that the
decision of whether to use it or not is a very individual one. Only you can know
what feels right for you.

For me, the answer has definitely been replacement hormones. It’s a quality
of life issue. I had been willing to deal as best I could with the other
factors, but when it comes to hurting the ones I love (and innocent store
employees) that’s where I draw the line.

My friend and I talked about the fact that while there are numerous articles
and books on the “symptoms” of menopause, there is very little written on the
lifestyle alterations that come at this time. Traditionally, menopause has been
seen as the entrance to the crone stage of life – a time of coming to terms with
the aging process; a time of embracing the realities of a changing focus in
life.

I believe that the wisdom that comes with the acceptance of one’s age is
totally worth the trade-offs of youth. I don’t have to give up who I am. If
anything, my life has become richer and more fulfilling than it was 10 years ago
when I still judged myself according to the precepts of those around me.

I really like being 60. There are, of course, adjustments to be made to
physical changes, but I have a feeling that I’ll like being 70, too. After all,
what’s the alternative?

I do wish that I’d had more guidance about this period when I was younger. We
all need role models and mentors to show us that there’s so much more to living
life well than we know about. But now that I’m here, I can be that person for
the women who follow me. I want to share my experiences so that the journey
becomes easier for others.

I want to tell my friends that they’re not (necessarily) going crazy during
these pivotal years. I want to let them know that they’re not alone. I want to
encourage them to speak out and share what’s happening with those who can lend
support.

And I want to reassure them if they’re ever in Wal-Mart and they feel the
urge to flatten that smiling senior citizen, that there’s light and hope for
them at the other end of the aisle.

I casually mentioned the invitation on Facebook, and my decision not to
accept it, and the response floored me. I’d expected some people to go, “Nice to
have had the offer!” and that would be it. But many of my friends were incensed
that I’d walked away. “ARE YOU CRAZY?” one email demanded to know.

Well, the answer depends on where you are in your life.

Here’s the story: Last spring I got a call from the Discovery Channel, asking
me if I’d like to be in the data base as a professional organizer for their new
series on hoarders. I said sure, as long as the episode would be shot fairly
close to where I live. The invitation last week was from the show’s producers,
saying they’d found a client in Phoenix and although they knew Phoenix was a
four-hour round trip from my house, I was at the top of their list.

It was certainly an honor to have been asked. I was flattered and
appreciative. But much had transpired since the first contact last May; much in
my head, anyway.

When I had the first conversation, I hadn’t really watched either of the
hoarder shows. Having spent much of my career working in those difficult
environments with very troubled clients, I never thought of the programs as
“entertaining.” But I decided to watch, so I could evaluate what I’d be getting
myself into if I were selected. And it was mighty grim watching.

Hoarders have an illness, and as interesting as it might be to watch their
homes get cleared out, you don’t get to see the whole story. The program is
carefully edited and presented to hold your attention but the actual process is
longer and much more demanding. Serious therapeutic assistance is required for
the client to deal with hoarding obsessions.

So, I’ve been there and done that, and know that I could do it again. But the
question for me was, “Do I WANT to do this again?”

When I was actively building my business and career, the notion of being on
national TV was the carrot that made many sticks tolerable.Everyone dreamed (and
still dreams) about being on Oprah. I made it as far as the Regis show after my
first book on organizing came out, when they were still letting “non-celebrities” on the program. Appearing live with
Regis was a hoot, but the work behind the scenes was murder. I did a
before-and-after reorganization of the producers’ office and because I’m me, I
tried to make the organizational systems match eachindividual. The producers didn’t really care though if the make-over was
genuine. They just wanted “good TV” with nice shots that would make the viewers
go “Ahhhh…”

I gave them exactly what they wanted, and because one of the guests didn’t
show on the day of taping, they gave me two segments instead of one – one
segment was of the already taped office make-over and one was live with Regis
and his wife, Joy. Regis told me later that it went very well and that I was
“big” (whatever that means).

It took me a week to recover, but the publicity was great and I’m sure it
helped book sales. So fast-forward to last week. Given my past TV success, why
wouldn’t I go for a repeat performance? Because between last spring and last
week, I decided to teach a class on my passion, “Creating Your Personal Legacy”
that combines several of my interests. My class research is cutting-edge, fun
and very consuming. I’m also editing a friend’s epic fantasy novel, and doing
mentoring/coaching and on-line writing.

Bottom-line, my cup is full and happy.

Granted, I could have agreed to do the show for several other reasons – to
help someone who really needs it, to show viewers across the country how I
assist people, and to create publicity for my existing books and any new
projects that I undertake in the future. But honestly, is it worth the huge
exchange of time and energy? (By the way, this isn’t a paid gig.)

For me, now, the answer is a definitive “no”. It’s tempting for sure, but not
at the top of my priority list. And that’s what’s most important. Sometimes we
get to make big choices that demonstrate to us if we’re really ready to walk our
talk — to give up something good for something even better.

Thanks to all my friends who wanted me to keep going for the gold, but I’ve
already found it, right here in my own backyard.

Seize the day, seize your life.

Daniel Lopez, Guatemala  11/11